Chapter Twenty Three: Written by Lauren

On 2020 Stories (continued)

Name: Lauren
Age: 23
Ethnicity: Chinese
Occupation: Student
Location: Vancouver, Canada

The end of 2020 was very difficult, as my grandma passed away in November. She lived with my family and I for my entire life, and her not being here feels strange and foreign. I miss her a lot. But despite the sadness and grief, I’ve been reflecting on the acts of kindness and generosity from others when my grandma was in end-of-life care.

My grandma, who was my mom’s mom, was in hospice care for 2 and a half months after suffering a stroke. My mom took a leave of absence from work so she could make caretaking her full-time job. She spent all day every day by my grandma’s side, doing everything in her power to make her comfortable. My grandma had difficulty swallowing, so my mom prepared pureed congee in a blender for her every morning. I watched my mom spoon feed my grandma for every meal, each taking up to an hour and a half. After propping my grandma up with pillows so she could sit up comfortably, my mom would rub my grandma’s feet with lotion and play her favourite Chinese concert videos.

My mom did all of this while mourning the inevitable loss of her mom, who was her last living parent. Everything my mom did was completely thankless. I had never witnessed so much compassion and selflessness before.

For her last few weeks, my grandma came home so she could spend it with family. We had nursing support come to our house four times a day. We were fortunate to have an all Chinese team of nurses who worked so tirelessly and diligently to give my grandma the highest quality of care. Each treated my grandma with so much respect and dignity, doing their best to communicate with her even when my grandma couldn’t speak anymore. They showed my family and I genuine empathy and kindness while we were grappling with such profound loss.

I held my grandma’s hand as I said my last words to her. Because of her Dementia, I was sure she wouldn’t be able to register it. But despite the years of memory loss, the months of struggling, and the weeks of discomfort, as I told her I loved her one last time, she squeezed my hand. Whether she actually recognized me or it was a knee-jerk reaction, it is a moment where pain and heartbreak is overpowered by love and gratitude.

My grandma died peacefully in her sleep with my mom and my brother by her side. I’m so happy she’s no longer in pain. Her last meal was ice cream, which was her favourite food, so that brought me a lot of joy.

We’re arranging my grandma’s ashes to be grown into a tree. As an immigrant who envisioned a better life for her kids, she always wanted to live in America, so we’re planting it at my cousin’s house in Washington. I can’t wait to visit.